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Things that I want always seem to collapse onto me at the same time.. leaving me desperate for the right decision.
I can’t help but feel ambushed.
Since my arrival in Los Angeles, there has been a whirlwind of events. I can’t help but think about where my life has brought me so far. I’m not satisfied and I don’t know when I will be. People are taking advantage of me, while I’m taking advantage of them. That’s the way it goes…… I guess I’ll just view it as we’re watching each others’ backs.
On a brighter note, Sally hooked me up at his friend’s place in Beverly Hills. Mansions are scary and they remind me of the mario ghost buster game I played when I was a youngin’. This place has a chill vibe so there’s nothing to worry about. To respect the privacy of Georgie I’m not posting pics of his home… Ernalda the Indonesian girl who works here is cool. She had lunch with her girlfriends and went shopping today. A day in life..
Finally, I found some time to unravel my blank roll of drawing paper and tape it on the wall. I put on lines of thirds which is supposed to help with composition of a drawing. Google it. I don’t have any background on art and never thought they would have a scientific technique like this. I was pretty surprised when the smoky bacon told me about it. So! Blank canvases are tough and my solution was to do some yoga, unsuccessfully swim with a noodle, and play pee wee volleyball with long acquainted friends. My virgin arms feel bruised now.
Poor Sandra is in Fort St. James and selection there is scarce. Without her favourite “Belmont” cigs anywhere in sight, I decided to mail her some. Only if she gets good grades. I figured if the treat thing worked on dogs, it will work on humans (or her). We’re all animals anyway. For some reason, I can always rely on Sandra to get shit-pissed when I say Alaska instead of Fort St. James though. Here is her lovely package, with a note of encouragement inside, wrapped in a recycled box. I’m so green.
PS) Hope Mr. Fancy Grey Suit is doing okay under the NY fashion week storm.
With no rain coming towards this drought till mid summer (according to my horoscopes) I have to keep my head up and just be myself. Call me superstitious, gullible, whatever but I totally feel what I read is what I’m experiencing.
I’m surviving a 6 hour layover right now so I’m using this time to clear up my mind setting up a good conscience.
If all goes as planned with me staying strong, then I will go to LA very shortly to intern for Acne and to gain some verr much needed experience. I will build something for myself as I feel I have no life right now. Then in a month, mid march, I will go to London and work my ass off to continue my modeling career.
Despite my incompetency to cope with tropical weather, this is such a good way to end a vacation I really needed. I feel entirely recharged from the psychological turmoil and restored my elated thrust-filled gust to live life again.
I’m preparing to be open to new people and less like the hermit I was before.
I will free myself from comparing with others and feeling pressured. Eating healthy and exercising (yoga especially) will help me with this.
Most important of all, I will learn to be patient with trouble and accept whatever comes; coping with delicately processed, effective solutions.
I need to be appreciative of the ones genuine and therefore dear to me. (Treat them with respect and gratitude when necessary. Also keeping my temper intact when stressed).
Good thing I’m writing this down so I can check back to it and motivate myself. (Give myself a little substance).
I sound like I have a lot of problems right now, but it will all pass this minute as flip my thought processes around.
Cause “if you ain’t cowboy, you ain’t shit”.
A couple days passed in Bangkok and it’s time for some music festival with Danish and Thai friends!
I decided to try on some color contacts I bought and they make me look like a rodent! (Sorry black boar).
The music festival turned out to be a Dance music festival. It had 5 separate stages which looked overwhelming. Some DJ’s were really making me pull my moves out of my closet. I stowed them when I was in Vancouver cause the DJs there suck. Now I am stuck with Suede’s ‘Beautiful ones’ in my head!!
Big momma with the crazy good dance moves after chugging Sang Som (80% alcohol Thai Rum) and drunk Pythagoras.
Pythagoras sitting on Gene and taking a drag.
I miss Mami!!!!!